So PW is finally coming to an end, and so is J1.
This tumultuous year is finally drawing to a close as well.
It seems that the year gets better as it comes to an end! Of all the pw meetings and practice and lunch and dinner, they will be the memories i hold of this year haha.
Though i am quite certain i wont miss pw, i am glad we got to work together. The bitter practices made us better friends i guess.
To my pw group: goodjob! remember our suicide pact.
To 09s56: we still have a year together, lets work hard together next year to become the best academic class as well as one most well known for its cca excellence.
To 4H’08 clique: lets continue to study together next year so that we remain as close as always.
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After today, i think i really found my motivation. No more lamenting and begrudging what has happened. This promos wasn’t my best performance simply because i didn’t put in the effort to make it a good performance. Bastien said something earlier which made me think : ” all the 2ams that you study until “
It is true that being diligent is good and all, but sometimes, studying till 2am backfires because you are so tired nothing gets into your head, and that makes me pretty irate. From now on, i will not do work after 11 and thats a promise!
Was googling Debate stuff to try and improve, and came upon my coach name in the national team audition list a few years ago! How cool is that. Given the fact that i started Debating only so late (at 17), i would say its rather impossible for me to become really good in a year to a level where i am known for being good. Haha.
Nonetheless, i hope after OP and MTL A levels are over, i would start training intensively for debates! I want to live something behind for my juniors – perhaps not the best speaker ever, but at least i want to be seen as one who defy odds and trains diligently and have some sort of performance/ blah this is rather incoherent.
Aiming to represent VJ for MOF Budget Debate in 2010, and that means a lot of training. Somehow i don’t find group training that effective for me as of now, i rather have one to one training to brush up on my basics before we actually debate as a team.
There’s a talk early in the morning tomorrow and i am going off, bye world.
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People sometimes become insensitive when they say stuffs to others. There are times when no harm is done, while other times it just leaves a really bitter feeling. When people you trust say things to you that you don’t expect them to say sometimes you get upset. Well, i got upset over stuffs like that tonnes of times this year. I become angry very easily because sometimes the people i trusts the most acted insensitively.
Sometimes saying a statement like ” you could have gone RJ yourself what” would make me a hella lot upset because the only reason i came to VJ were because all of you all refused to go to RJ and i didnt wanted to be separated from yall. But how we live our lives now, in VJ, there really isnt much of a difference between me alone in RJ and me “together” with you all in VJ.
I know you probably didnt think that much when you said it, but sometimes sensitivity to the words you say is really quite important.
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I was talking to my VS teacher Mr Khoo just now and he started the conversation by saying his 2007 batch in vj currently is complaining about their gp teacher. Well i couldnt agree more. We talked about teachers in general, we talked about VS teachers and their teaching styles, we talked about the psyche of teenagers. Its interesting. From now on i am going to start posting some random thoughts about my school days now so that ten years from now when i become a teacher i can look back at these journals and make sure i dont do things to my future students that i hate about my current teachers. haha.
On a side note, i just read someone blog and it says something about being yourself and people who are your true friends will show. Well my first thoughts went to, you never ever gave me a second chance. People make mistakes. But whatever i am not about to start this entire debate again because it is obvious that we have different mentality. Your heart rules your head. You dont think rationally, you just behave in the way your heart tells you to without consideration for the feelings of others. I dont even know why i was so upset over the incident for so freaking long, because it was blatantly obvious that i was the only one hurting when you moved on. It was foolish of me to have kept thinking about you and how much i hurt you and keep regretting, keep thinking of things i can do to make it all up.
I’ve seen through it all. It was you all along.
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Promos is almost over, yet i felt i never really started studying for it. I pray i wont do too badly for it =\
I will update perhaps when i get my promo results. hopefully it wont be filled with B C D E F S U, in other words only A’s please.
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I think MSN is far too transparent for me to post my thoughts on personal message (ironic yea?)
Have to abide by certain set of decorum that is appropriate- which i find strangling. To quote spiderman, with great power comes great responsibility. At the rate i am going, i probably get RETAINED -.- which is a REALLY BAD thing considering the fact that well i am.. oh nvm.
I read charlton blog, and coincidentally what he posted is totally how i feel about VJ. Its superficial. The friends you make here aren’t real. Found out the fact that people in class backstabs one another-tsk. Shall post an excerpt here.
“as mr liew says.. every essay shld have a balance! so every blog post shld have a balance too LOL! so when there are friends, there are ofcourse anti-friends! which simply means the opposite of friends, theoretically..
ok wad are anti-friends? they are simply people that despise/hate/ignore/shunt you~ and most of the time this happens.. to almost everyone! ppl make anti-friends sometimes because of their behavior/attitude and in the long run.. others just dun like them or find these kind of ppl excessively irritating, those anti-friends can be forgiven.
but there are others, who despise/hate/ignore/shunt etc etc.. people because of just one thing they did/say or because they found out about the past or something.. thats just myopic.. ofcourse, many of us are guilty of something like that.. someone from our class might be a victim of us treating him that way just because of something hes done.. we are wrong for doing so though.. we are more guilty than he is! like some chinese saying go, only in the toughest of times will one show its real character.. and so everyone shld be given more time and even more a second chance~ we were all guilty, but we can make ammends.. at least i dun exactly shunt him anymore just say jokes about him haha and the rest shld too..
and then theres the worst of all.. ppl who despise/hate/ignore/shunt others but do not show it.. wad we call the 2-faced monsters! in the first place, it is morally wrong, to judge people in such a myopic way.. and to add on to that they dun exactly show it.. but yet rediculously obvious.. epic fail 2 face i would say! if wanna act act all the way! (and omg a fly just landed on my hand smack smack!) LOL ok these kind of ppl simply have a dogmatic mindset.. they think they are absolutely right, and they are better than others.. humans shld exercise equity to a certain level, people who cannot stand ppl, let alone a bunch of ppl, for some small things they do or simply because they have differing views and diff attitudes cannot be leaders. A certain level of EQ must be maintained but honesty and communication is always the best solution.. everyone benefits! “
Exactly what my thoughts are. I realise i do have similar character traits as L. For one, i now find myself not being able to trust and rely on people too easily and/or too much. I no longer want to talk to people who dont treat me like their good buddies. I dont want to have too many high-bye friends, because in the end, it would be superficial.
On a side note, i talked to mr khoo a few days ago, and he told me stuffs about myself. He said something to the extent that i appear to be too mercenary. He once thought all I ever want is to do well in exams, suck all knowledge out of teachers and then just forget them after they taught me. But he added that, slowly but surely that view he held of me wasnt true. He told me that i am frank and personable, just that i tend to allow the more demanding side of me manifest.(this is perhaps why he says i am frank- because i dont hide my concerns).
That conversation set me thinking. Should i, not behave in a frank manner, and say whatever i feel (even if it means telling my CT i ponning school explicitly), should i instead put on a mask, and say only the good things to people and have the rest hidden in me just so i wont “offend” people. Now given a choice, i think i prefer the latter. But, i think its too innate within for me to change it. So i thought of it from another perspective – my frankness will act like a defensive device, for me to fend off hi-bye people and allow me to realise who i can really trust. TBH even if that means no one in VJ, i wont really care. Not anymore anyway.
There are 3 people that inspired this post,
to You(1), i think we would have been quite good friends if you hadnt behaved the way you did. you made me feel that the only time you would talk to me is when you need help with something, be it chem, pw whatever. a few months back i would have gladly help you with no strings attached. But gradually, i realised that you arent a friend. You dont talk to me about anything, you wont tell me how your day went, you only would make use of me. Perhaps i could be wrong, and this is just some hypersensitivity on my part, but right now i dont care anymore. I don’t think i will ever initiate a conversation with you ever again so yup.
to You(2), well what else can i say to you when i hardly talk to you? Besides the fact that i probably just walk past you. Don’t know what you are thinking off, but i wont be the one to first talk to you, that i am pretty darn sure.
to You(3), hello classmate, i don’t know what you are thinking and i dont know what you plan to do, but i dont really like the fact that you are treating me the same way as you treated someone else a few months back. You might read this blog, all the more better. Really dont know what is wrong in between, i have an inkling of what that thing is, but i assure you it isnt the case. If you choose to continue ignoring me, fine, whatever i cant really be bothered anyway.
This piece of writing is incoherent, because i have too much on my mind and i cant categorise them properly, all these blue feelings i am experiencing all stems from another incident. Had that incident not happen, i probably still be a happy kid. It is because of something else, that my perspective towards many thing has changed. And it might be due to my fault that i cant agree with too many people on too many things.
(edit)
i cant bring myself to do it.
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